All that being quite so, we pass black walls. “What do you figure will happen to us tomorrow?” A monstrous and eternal mannequin follows us with two perfect eyeballs free of sorrow. He is looking for food. Leftovers of smell which are rope. In this way, the Eighteenth Flesh fuses with the Twelfth Flesh and is brought into parallel with the Eleventh Flesh and the Fifteenth Flesh, while the Twenty-first Flesh and the Seventeenth Flesh reach a point of torsion, entering a relationship of “eat or be eaten” with the Thirteenth Flesh and the Nineteenth Flesh. By the sixth or seventh shoot, they were not acting anymore, aggression-induced saliva was frothing from their mouths, their noses were dripping blood, their fingers were smeared with blood, saliva, and tears. The darkness of the small castle chapel echoed with the sounds of face cheeks snapping and teeth splattering against the mold-coated, stone walls, hey, I’ll tickle you to death until you kick the bucket, I’ll take revenge for all who suffers under the moon – ‘cause I have such looong fingers, fucking long and delicate fingers! from this MIRROR of COMmerce I WILL give yoU EveryThing PIECes of THE Ocean Of PIE from MY tongue a graph of my HEART as reviewed IN the Book OF THE Living the PLUMS I have seven eyes. Anyway, back to Channing. Last night, I went to the first possible showing of White House Down, a movie I have been anticipating for many weeks. I laughed and laughed and laughed – happiest I’ve been in a long time. The movie also stars Jamie Foxx as the president of the United States. He loves Abraham Lincoln, like a lot, and as we know, Abraham Lincoln loves a good shawl. So, Channing is Cale, John Cale (LOL), and he is a Capitol police officer who has dreams of joining the Secret Service because his daughter, Emily, is super-obsessed with the White House and presidency, etc. His ex-wife is that lady who was in the first Twilight movie but not the next ones – Rachel Lefevre. I don’t even know why I know this. Cale is a vet, did three tours, and is not known for finishing things. As the movie opens, he is escorting the Speaker of the House (Richard Jenkins) and as he waits for Jenkins, he engages in witty banter with some squirrels, using his square, muscular voice. I was tingling EVERYWHERE. He was straight up talking to squirrels. Later, he goes to pick up his daughter who is mad because he missed her flag twirling performance at her talent show. Stick a pin in this detail, the flag twirling business, because it comes back in about two hours. He wants to be father of the year, so he takes the kid with him to the White House where he interviews with Carol Finnerty, who is a secret service agent (Maggie Gyllenhaal). Thus begins the fakest secret service interview possible. They did not even TRY to approximate what an interview for the protection detail of the leader of the free world might be like. It was hilarious and I couldn’t stop giggling. First of all, the interview would not take place at the White House, right? Wouldn’t it take place at the Treasury Department? I TOOK CIVICS! Turns out Cale and Finnerty know each other. They went to college together at GW though Cale only finished a year. He went to night school after the war but still … follow through, man, get you some. Finnerty doesn’t fuck around and is all, “No chance, buddy.” Dejected, he tries to put on a good face for Emily, and she coaxes him into taking a tour of the White House. Look, whatever it takes to put the child in danger and the hero in the White House. The White House tour guide is an appropriately nerdy fellow who is “Donnie the Guide.” He knows everything about the White House but so does Emily so there’s a bit of rivalry there. At one point, the President shows up and Emily asks him a question for her YouTube channel. Before and during this, there are some lame dialogue moments regarding the relevance of blogs and other Internet terminologies like it’s 1997 or something. A seedy looking redhead, straight out of “White Supremacist Bad Guy” central casting, pushes a janitor cart into the rotunda of the capitol building and walks away. Seconds later, there’s a big explosion. Oh snap! Chaos ensues. It’s the end of the world!!! What do we do? James Woods plays Walker, the head of the president’s security detail. He is sad and bitter because his son died during a covert military incursion into Iran or some such. It’s his last week on the job. Anyway, long story short, Walker betrays his country and position and helps a band of mercenaries, lead by a guy named Stenz (Jason Clark) take over the White House with astonishing ease. It’s a bit of a relief that this movie sidesteps plausibility. You can reserve your common sense for other mental tasks, is what I’m saying. One of the mercenaries is, as you might expect, heavily tattooed and crazy because only crazy psychopaths have tattoos. I should know. As the mercenaries take over the White House, they kill everyone in sight. They are clearly working from the first person shooter school of thought. Use all the bullets! All of them! Also with the mercenaries is a hacker, Tyler, who gets access to the secret presidential bunker beneath the White House and says, “This is my Graceland.” So great. Emily, that rascally gal, had left the tour to use the bathroom, and she gets some video clips of the mercenaries being mercenary on her iPhone. Channing must find his daughter though and he sets out to do this because, of course. Along the way he finds the president and they become besties. Action things happen as the mercenaries secure the premises. They lug a bunch of missiles to the roof. They install a video camera in the basement. Let’s just fast forward here. In the end, it turns out that while the mercenaries are in it for $400 million from the Federal Reserve, Walker is in it to aim all of the nuclear weapons at various targets in the Middle East. He is encouraged by his wife who says to him on the phone, “You do what you have to do to make them pay for what they did to our boy.” RIDE OR DIE, MOFOS. The daughter posts the video of the mercenaries to her YouTube channel and it goes viral and everyone knows who the masterminds of the plot are (mostly). There’s a twist involving another inside man. Channing saves the day and gets to join the Secret Service. The End. Like I said, SO GREAT.
[Note: Sources: Boris Ryzhy, “In Memoriam: Boris Ryzhy (1974-2001)” (tr. Philip Nikolayev), at Big Bridge 17; Zazil Alaíde Collins, “End of the Rope” (tr. Pilar Rodriguez Aranda), at Big Bridge 17; Kiwao Nomura, “Parade 4” (tr. Eric Selland), at Big Bridge 17; Rodrigo Toscano, “Las Globalistas”, at Big Bridge 17; Alexander Kabanov, “They say …” (tr. Andrey Gritsman), at Big Bridge 17; Mary Kasimor, “Old Fire Plums”, at Big Bridge 17; Aura Sabina, “Aura Mantis” (tr. Pilar Rodriguez Aranda), at Big Bridge 17; Roxane Gay, “You Can Reserve Your Common Sense For Other Mental Tasks (But still, Channing)”, at I Have Become Accustomed To Rejection, 28 Jun 013; JBR]