That is, in front of the apartment, once, I saw a midget retouching the railing with a silver paint can. Don’t ring the doorbell. Get your own water. Someone you know could kill you. People have needed each other for a long time. I am a lesser pyramid beside the Pyramid at Giza. Sadly, in the middle of the first act in our debut and probably only live performance, I was stranded onstage by my supposed partner, the Grocer’s Wife, who broke the fourth wall mid-scene to chat with her friends in the audience, leaving me to frantically revise our planned business into a slapstick soliloquy. I think the trauma of this abandonment must still be raw because I don’t remember if we ever actually transformed into rhinoceroses as prescribed by Ionesco, though I suppose it must be so, if perhaps only offstage, under a big X over a little. People can be nice and people can be horrible. Which people do you mean? But addressing the saguaro is not the same as telling everyone about the nature of the future. It’s not the voice coming out of your forehead into the microphone, muah muah muah muah. Glocks, not birds, are dreams. Thus, the prospect of a GWAR show backed by cheap barbecue and 13 other loud, drunk, and belligerent bands was irresistible. “YOU FUCKING GHOST WHALE!” And high did those flags fly. If I remember correctly, Simone de Beauvoir actually responded to one of Sartre’s proposals with “Don’t be silly”. Doctor Benway, ship’s doctor, drunkenly added two inches to a four inch-incision with one stroke of his scalpel - Figure 4. A woman attending a memorial service for victims of the Oklahoma City bombing at the Oklahoma State Fair Arena holds two teddy bears. The first lady of Illinois, Brenda Edgar, donated two thousand bears for those who had lost family members. April 23, 1995. Oh. This tumblr now has over 6500 followers. That’s only about FIFTEEN THOUSAND fewer than Feminist Ryan Gosling! Thank you, whoever and whatever you are. In May, a very special doll began showing up in stores in Gothenburg, Sweden. According to the package, it was supposed to have cerebral palsy. “The retard doll GIL. Treat her like a real retard!” the label read, while the Facebook page for the doll added, “She doesn’t swear, have sex, drink booze, or poop. So much better than a real retard.” Turns out the doll was created by the Gothenburg Cooperative for Independent Living (GIL). We called GIL spokesman Anders Westgerd (who happens to be wheelchair-bound himself). PS: We have no idea why GIL decided to send us this particular photo, but we promise that white creamy stuff on the doll’s face is just ice cream, not cum. Thank fucking God ... VICE: OK, why do this? Why make this doll? I want answers. Anders Westgerd: We came up with the concept for GIL because the members of our cooperative, myself included, were sick and tired of people treating us with prejudiced niceness, as if we were kids or had an inferior intellect. We wanted to do something that provoked people to think about how they treat us. I am sick and tired of people talking over my head, saying stuff like, “Should he really be drinking when he’s in a wheelchair?” Are you happy with how the doll has been received? Hasn’t it caused some confusion? I’ve been interviewed by most mainstream media in Sweden and even by the BBC, which is brilliant. We wanted to cause a stir, that’s why we made the retard doll. Are people pissed off with you for making jokes about the handicapped? I don’t consider the GIL doll a joke at all. It is a campaign to raise awareness about how wheelchair-bound people wish to be treated like everyone else, to start a discussion. How many dolls have you sold? I don’t have exact numbers but we’ve made 300 of them and the interest is so big we might have to make more. If you want to buy one you can just email us. Want more weirdness? Check these out: Smile and Say “Passion Gap”. Bananas in Pajamas Scare the Shit Out of Me. The Most Hilariously Paranoid Things You Can Buy on the NRA Website. Thank god it was just the muscle relaxant. She wasn’t stroking. She was just nodding, all fucked up.
[Note: Sources: JBR; Dan Boehl, “Intersection”, at ekleksographia 2; Farrah Field, “Amy Is off the Porch and into the World”, at The Awl, 26 Apr 012; Jared White, “I AM THE TEMPLE OF ARTEMIS AT EPHESUS”, at I Am a Natural Wonder, 24 Nov 010; Jared White, “rhinoceros”, at No No Yes No Yes, 31 Aug 011; Amelia Gillis, “Anonymous asked: When people say mean things to you are they just being facetious? you seem to do nothing but shower love all over tumblr. I don’t understand the hate”, at Intstructions, 23 Aug 012; Theodore Worozbyt, “Legume”, at Horse Less Review 12; Daniel Davis Snyder, “GWAR-B-Q 2012: GWAR HAVE COME FROM OUTER SPACE TO FUCK WITH YOU”, at Vice, 23 Aug 012; David, “Simone de Beauvoir said ‘no’ …”, at Dinu Lipatti’s Bones, 23 Aug 012; William S Burroughs, Nova Express; David Allen, “An Image from Oklahoma City”, at Journal of American History 94; JBR; Ariana Reines, “this tumblr …”, at Ariana Reines, 23 Aug 012; Milene Larsson, “SOME SERIOUS THOUGHT WAS PUT INTO THIS RETARDED DOLL”, at Vice, 23 Aug 012; JBR (re: Kathy on some new meds)]