In other words, when we fish off the pier, we are trying to catch a catfish with a heart in its mouth, side tentacles out of its face, we are trying to catch something that would eat another organ, what about a bottom feeder, I say, what about something that eats the worst of the worst. When we are at the bottom of the bottom, what more to say than this? Compare organs to see if they are the same shape. The same color. What is yellow in the body but fat? What is pink but nothing. Where is the heart but lower than where we think, what side of the body is it on, what side. I want to catch a fish with an organ in its mouth, its thousand tiny teeth gnawing with a ‘purity [that] strips the meat from inside.’ I was 26 and an associate beauty editor, but I was very weak and lonely. At night, I was running around with sociopaths and addicts. Predators who took me to the projects to spend my money on crack and heroin and snap obscene Polaroids of me with my legs spread when I fell asleep. Narcissist losers who fancied themselves the second comings of Dash Snow and Egon Schiele and who would make Flip phone videos of themselves … flipping through their own sketchbooks. You’re sick, Amphetamine Logic said. These are your people. You fell off. “MY HANKY PANKY IS FALLING OFF MY BODY,” I announced, gnashing my teeth, wearing a metallic Zac Posen (I know, but back then we still liked him) knit tube skirt folded into a mini, ripped black stockings, six friendship bracelets I’d bought for myself, a Pete Doherty FUCK FOREVER t-shirt with pink stains down the front, an army parka, one false eyelash, and some beautiful Prada pumps that I always kept under my desk to slip on. Hair extensions were falling out in clumps. To doubt physics is to be / Self-ironical [maybe]. Loaded with grace, I “fell through” / The headache system [maybe]. The only truth is style is what / I was telling her — That feldspar causes fatigue. All / I took was just a little to get me through the / evening, lentils, don’t they have Valo Shampoo / too, and you sit with your legs crossed and can’t / TALK for two hours, WHAT?? / … someone ought to write, cheese with cara- / way seeds, chutney, I LIKE DUMB PEOPLE — / … macaroni and tuna-fish, kidney stew, waffles butter, / maple syrup, everyone was so Hungover and Joanne ate / FIVE pancakes. The morning is past and the sun remains but the sunlight is brighter. The study of painting is exhausting and the sea always gets larger — here I quote Tintoretto. Twigs are the many sounds of light. Could the prairie be this sea — for love. What I felt was that figs resemble kidneys. You know how you’re not dead? Specifically, I mean you know how you haven’t been killed by a huge truck barreling down the highway and crushing you to custard? Toufic argues that “resurrection takes (and gives) time” perhaps tantamount to “the time of Chernobyl” in which, as in Jean Luc Godard’s King Lear, “everything disappeared, everything, and then after a while, everything came back, electricity, houses, cars — everything except culture and me.” The temporality is a space / time in which a community comes to understand its contours by investigating what is no longer accessible to it as a collective, what has withdrawn, using Toufic’s conceptual vocabulary, past a surpassing disaster. First Listen, friends! Listen, friends! Substitute! Enrique! Listen for the last s Hassan Sabah, the third Mount grandfather, words of the fourth Everywhere hear my last words of s! Listen to all councils, governments, syndicates, nations. And you are listed to local SE shall comprise Sly K?? ture deals. Who takes what is not yours, eighth all time selling your children! e i land?? the unborn feet? All the worlds obey my last words! What am I doing here with the workers, the entrant, the monkey?? See sketch below. “For God’s sake, not to run kokakolinio scandal!”
[Note: Sources: JBR; Dina and Dan, “Dina and Dan Break Hearts”, at Boys With Short Hair, 12 Jul 012; Lara Glenum, and Feng Sun Chen, as quoted in Glenum’s blurb for Feng Sun Chen’s Butcher’s Tree, as quoted in “Poets Should Have Lots of Feelings: Jeff Nagy Interviews Feng Sun Chen at BOMBLOG”, at Harriet, 12 Jul 012; Cat Marnell, “AMPHETAMINE LOGIC: BLOODSUCKERS AND CONDÉ NAST-YS”, at Vice, 12 Jul 012; Jeni Olin, “Meryl Streep”, Joanne Kyger, “Poem for the Stomach Lined with Pills”, Lyn Hejinian, My Life (“The coffee / drinkers answered / ecstatically”), as quoted in John Latta, “Kidney”, at Isola di Rifiuti, 12 Jul 012; Jason Torchinsky, “You Owe This Woman Your Life, All Of You”, at Jalopnik, 10 Jul 012 (“For that I suggest we all take a moment and thank June McCarroll, who first had the incredibly brilliant idea to paint a line down the middle of the road. … There is a competing claim to the origin of the line-down-the-middle-of-the-road idea: Edward N. Hines, a member of the Wayne County road commission, claims to have come up with painted center road lines in 1911, being inspired by watching a leaky milk wagon on a street.”); Michael Cross, “Introduction to Jalal Toufic”, at The Disinhibitor, 11 Jul 012 (“ … introduction to the 2nd Annual Leslie Scalapino Memorial Lecture featuring Jalal Toufic.”); William S Burroughs, “The Last Words of Hassan Sabbah” (tr. Google, from Lithuanian), at PASKUTINIAI HASANO SABAHO ŽODŽIAI]
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